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Wizardry Game Character Quips
There are 12 recruitable NPCs and *32* PC voicesets in Wizardry 8; more voices than you could run
through in two full play-throughs of the game, in other words. Unfortunately, though each of these
personalities is quite consistent and well-developed, they only have possible reactions to a handful
of plot points in the game--and not all voicesets have reactions to all of them, either.
It's hardly worth
replaying the long and weary Arnika road over and over just to hear a description of the fountain
on Ascension Peak in a new voice! So here I'm going to spoil the more interesting game remarks I've
found for you. Please feel free to email me with
additions to this list. (-:
Al-Sedexus: The best source of humorous quotes by far is the romp with Al-Sedexus. Only the male characters have
lines here, and the male NPCs can be used only if they're high-level (no more than a couple levels below
your own characters). Myles decided "It beats what I was getting in jail."
Saxx is more of a braggart, saying "She said she didn't want me to leave, but you know, women always
say that to me. Don't know why boys, I jus' got it." *laughs* I've been told RFS-81 will
suffice for this task if there are no other males available, but all he said for me was that he didn't have the required
components and would require an upgrade to carry out that order. (-: As for the PCs, Aggressive Male 1 bolsters
my suspicions about his sexuality by being the only one to complain about Al-Sedexus jumping him. Burly Male 1 says "She
nice, for a demon." Cunning Male 1 tells his friends "Shaddap! I don't want to hear nothing out of your mouth, got it?"
Eccentric Male 1 smirks "Now you wish you'd been chosen, don't you?" Loner Male 2 says "I gotta get out more often...
or maybe she does." Loner Male 1 just sums up: "Not bad." (-: Enroute to killing Al-Sedexus, Cunning Male 1 says "All right, I got
us into this trouble so it's only fair that YOU get us out. I mean, come on, I did my job already!" And after killing her,
Chaotic Male 2 asks plaintively "Why is it that all my affairs end in bloodshed?"
PC deaths: You'll almost certainly have noticed that your characters have stock comments when a teammate dies, ranging
from normal ("Farewell sister, I will avenge your death!") to silly ("He's dead. Hey, that's an interesting organ...")
You may even have noticed that your characters have a more worried comment when multiple teammates
bite it ("This isn't looking good for us here!") Did you know each character has a comment when he's the last
PC standing? Some of these are normal reactions, but some are quite funny. Cunning female #1, the one with
the super-chipper voice, pauses a moment and then says "That's it, I'm out of here." Cunning female #2 muses
that perhaps the Dark Savant might be interested in hiring her now. (-: Chaotic Male #2 whines that everyone else gets
to die except him.
NPC deaths: When NPCs die, you get a different line--usually one a little less concerned than when one of the PCs dies. A couple
of the "cunning" personalities try to hide the death, though: Cunning Male 1 starts making up an alibi ("We never saw
'em before, right? Just nod and go along with me"), Cunning Male 2 suggests the team blame it on the Dark Savant
("Everyone will believe-a this!"), and Cunning Female 2 plots an escape ("We prop body up against tree and make like
it's sleeping, okay?") When RFS-81 'dies', he announces "all systems shutting dowwwwwwwn...", and when he is resurrected, he
says "RFS-81 rebooting system." (-:
Shooting down the Blackship: After you blow up the Dark Savant's ship, one of your characters will pipe up, usually with something congratulatory and
a musing about whether or not the Savant was on board at the time. Cunning female #1, however, will suggest that if
he wasn't on board you pin the crash on the Rattkin. (-: Chaotic female 1 says "Coming in for a landing, this is Savant Flight
401. We'll be arriving in PIECES! Ha ha ha!"
Killing the Dark Savant: After winning this battle, the normally philosophical Intellectual female #2 will start in with a proverb about how good
men forgive and great men forget, then stop and say "But as for myself, I spit on his corpse." (-: On the other hand, the usually
sneering Aggressive Male 1 makes the philosophical observation that there's no point gloating because "somehow, I think ze
Dark Savant wanted to die." Loner Male 2 says "If it weren't so tacky, I'd have his head mounted on the wall."
Winning the game: After becoming gods, EVERY character in your party will put his or her two cents in (including Saxx
and RFS-81, not including Vi). Burly Female #2 has a surprisingly wistful comment about leaving her old life behind. The otherwise
insufferable Chaotic Female 1 has an amusing desire to start the new universe off "same as the old one--with a BIG BANG!"
Burly Male #1 responds to the cosmic lords business with "Blah blah blah. This boring! When me get to crush things again?"
Defusing the bomb: Most characters will just give the team a pat on the back, but intellectual female #2 will point out
that the Savant was kind of dumb putting a big old device to defuse his bomb right on the side of it which even a child could
have operated. (-:
First meeting the Dark Savant: Eccentric female #2 (the astrologer) will actually give some very early foreshadowing
about his true identity. Chaotic female #1 will taunt him amusingly for running away. Eccentric female #1 will comment that
he was not only rude but incoherent: "I think he must be drunk." Burly male 1 says "Bubble-head seem very angry. He
should calm down."
Helm of Serenity: After you find it, Aggressive Female 2 (the barmaid-sounding woman) wonders if it'd cure her migraines. (-:
Marten's tomb: After you find the sealed door, the astrologer (eccentric female #2) has an interesting exposition about
how the builders must have sealed themselves inside to die.
Marten: After meeting Marten, some of the PCs will have a few words about the tragedy of his situation. Aggressive Male 2 will complain
"I thought he'd never stop talking. What did he, bore himself to death?" Loner Male 1 wants to know "If he's so smart, how
come he's dead?"
Destinae Dominus: Laidback female 1 received the Destinae Dominus with "Thanks, Marten! Sorry to hear what it did to you though. An eternal
zombie! I don't think I could handle that."
Dark Savant Alliance: After talking to Rodan and Drazic, your partymembers will react with horror to the news of the Savant-Rapax alliance (even if
they already heard about it four times). Chaotic Female 1 is most to the point, though: "This just BLOWS!" Cunning Male 2
has the bright idea of telling the Rapax the Dark Savant is really a Trynnie: "Then they will-a eat him!"
Chief Gari: After meeting Gari, Chaotic Female 1 will yell "I can't believe we're wasting our time TALKING TO A CHIPMUNK!"
Z'Ant: Burly Female #2 thinks he looks like something from her papa's outhouse. (-:
Bela: Aggressive male 1, the French hunter, commented that Bela's head would look good over his mantel. (-:
Braffit: After meeting Braffit, Chaotic Male 2 says "He seems like a kind, generous soul. *pause* I hate him."
Rattkin: After meeting the Rattkin, Cunning Male 1, who sports the same New Jersey mobster accent, comments that
he feels some kind of special kinship with them somehow. Busted me up laughing all right. (-:
Peace Alliance: After you make peace between the Umpani and the T'Rang, most characters will say something appropriately pleased.
Burly Male 1 is less impressed: "So bug things don't fight with horn men anymore? *pause* Can we go now?"
Idling: If you leave your characters idle long enough, they will start randomly making 'idle' comments. Most of these are along the
lines of "I'm bored" or "Let's get moving," but some will do a little bit of philosophical musing. Burly Male 1, however,
once said "Bleccch! Rocks taste bad!" Apparently he'd gotten even more bored than most. (-:
Victory: After winning a tough fight, most characters say something celebratory ("Well done, friends!" or "We're #1!")
Intellectual female #1 announces "I measure our progress in BODIES!" Cracks me up every time; she's not the type
you'd figure for such a war cry. (-:
A bitter divorce: When Kindly female 2, the country-singer woman, gets poisoned, she sometimes says it "feels worse than when they tell you
they love their wives" (!) She also comments that the phony Astral Dominae is as fake as her first wedding ring, that the adventure
reminds her of her first marriage because it has a lot of aimless
wandering broken up by a few big fights, that it lasted longer than her first marriage, and that it was, like her first marriage,
finally over. :-D
Savant Tower: Most of the characters will comment that the Dark Savant's bomb tower seems menacing or evil; Kindly female 2, however, is
on hand to observe that it's rather phallic and "the Savant must think he has something to prove if he feels obliged to build a
tower like that!"
Becoming Templars: Kindly female 2 also (correctly, im-hoe) suggests that the whole Templar ceremony was just concocted by men as an excuse for
some "foolin' around."
Afraid: When someone casts Fear on her, Aggressive Female 2 yells "Holy CRAP!"
Burdened: If you overload your characters, they will offer a line of complaint. Chaotic Male 1 says "If it gets too heavy, I'll just
start SELLING IT OFF, okay?!?"
Blinded: When they become blind, most characters yell something like "I can't see!" Chaotic female 2, though, says "I kill in darkness before." (-:
Injured: When he gets badly wounded, Chaotic Male 1 asks "Where do ya want me to put my body parts?"
Paralysis: When he gets paralyzed, Chaotic Male 1 yells "What do you want me to do like this, BLINK people to death?!?"
Resurrection: Coming back from the dead, Chaotic Male 1 says "And a big HELLO! from alla your dead relatives." Chaotic Male 2
complains at you for tearing him away from death's sweet embrace (when another party member dies, he says "The
living can only envy the dead." (-: ) Cunning Male 1 offers to tell you what's on the other side for 100 gold.
Traps: When he notices a trap, Chaotic Male 1 says "A trap... wonder what would happen if I just PULLED THIS THING HERE!"
(Apparently he's just trying to get your goat, because he doesn't actually set it off. (-: )
Valuables: When you give people especially nice items, they'll often comment on them ("Impressive!" or the like.) Cunning Female 1
and Cunning Male 1 both say something like "Wow! This is AMAZ--uh, nothing that special! I'll just keep it."
Missing: If he survives being swallowed by a swallower (a rare occurrence, but it does have its own condition symbol), Loner Male
2 sighs "I'll probably need some therapy to get over that." (It happened to Vi once too, and she said something like "I must
have a sign on my forehead volunteering me for bizarre and unpleasant experiences...")
Rodan and Drazic: When Rodan and Drazic are accompanying you, if you spy an NPC, Rodan says "Let me do all the talking" (even if it's
Tantris!) Drazic, on the other hand, says... "Let Rodan do the talking." Guess they both know that silly affected hiss gets
on people's nerves. (-: They can also both be moderately amusing if you insist on dragging them to areas they don't want
to go before finishing their mission. My favorite was Rodan yelling "Hello! Is anyone home in your brain?!?" when I portaled
into the Rapax castle to buy some stuff off Antone. (-:
Unacceptable areas: It's possible to force NPCs even into areas they refuse to enter, either by portaling or by
incapacitating them first. They are not, however, stupid, and they will yell at you for doing this, sometimes most amusingly.
Saxx says "Whoa boys, my head still hurts... hey, where are we? This place remind me of a song I wrote once called 'Get Me The
Hell Out Of Here Before Something Bad Happens'!" Rodan, after bitching you out about not fulfilling the peace mission,
adds "And DON'T try knocking me out again!"
Taunting: When you encounter groups of soldiers belonging to a faction you're at odds with, they will
sometimes taunt you by claiming their faction has one of the objects, another faction does, one of your allies have betrayed
you, or something else to that effect. (The Savant Troopers claim to have killed Vi if she's not in your party when they
meet you.) Anyway, once this happens, your characters pipe up declaring them liars. (-:
A special friendship: Intellectual Male 1 has the exact same response to Braffit that he has to Al-Sedexus after
their roll in the hay: "A most stimulating exchange of ideas." *laugh*
Baiting the NPCs: Most of the NPCs will respond to it if you curse at them or tell them to drop dead. Most of their
responses are uninteresting to anyone above the age of twelve, but a few that tickled me were Braffit responding to cursing
with a prissy little "Oh, my!" and to "Drop dead" with "Then who'd be left to resurrect you?", the private in the
Umpani camp responding to "screw you" with "Well, I'm on break later...", and Sparkle threatening to "tell on you!" for
cursing at her. Andreas Schindel writes to inform me that cursing at the EWAXX machine causes it to respond
"Analysis: Lack of creativity on user's side." :-D
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